Father's Day (has a new meaning now)
I grew up with an alcoholic father.
I hate admitting that, not because it embarrasses me, but because there was so much more to my Dad than being an alcoholic and I hate for that to define him -- what I remember more is that he had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known in my life. He was smart and always knew the answers to everything (I don't think he made stuff up, I truly believe he literally knew the answers to any questions I asked him. He was SO incredibly smart!) He was kind and giving. And I always knew without a doubt that he loved me -- these are the things that I think should define him.
But nevertheless, alcoholism is also part of our story and has helped shape me into who I am today.
I remember times growing up when I knew our family wasn't quite "normal," but I didn't know what was. After all, it was all I had ever known. Growing up, all I ever knew for certain that I wanted in life was to be a Mommy. More than any other goals, dreams, career aspirations, etc, that was the only thing consistent throughout my life. However, I also remember being scared to get married because for the most part what I had seen about marriage while growing up wasn't great. I remember thinking, Well, I can just have a baby and somehow raise it on my own.
Of course, it wasn't that I dreamed of being a single mom. At that time I was probably less than 10 years old and had no idea what it took to raise a child (let alone by yourself) and how hard that would have actually been. But of course when you're 10 years old you don't think about things like the emotional support of a partner, financial responsibilities, what it takes to care for a home, etc., I just knew that marriage scared me but that I wanted to be a Mommy.
And here we are some 18+ years later -- I'm pregnant and married. A lot has happened to me in those years in between that has taught me a lot about myself and what I want out of a marriage (once the thought of it stopped scaring me!) I set my expectations high because I knew I wanted better for my future children. Don't get me wrong, I did have a great childhood. I have wonderful memories growing up and I miss my Daddy every day. But I want my kid(s) to be able to look at me and Josh say, "My parents set the example for what a great relationship looks like,".... not wonder what one is.
So on this Father's Day -- I am celebrating not only my Daddy but also my unborn child's Daddy. He is already a wonderful Papa to our fur-babies and I am so excited to see him become a Daddy to our very own little person in less than 6 months! I know he is going to be exceptional at it - that's one reason why I married him! ;)
Josh, thank you for everything you do for our family, for loving me, our puppies, and our baby. Thank you for showing me that good guys are out there, making my dreams come true and making me a Mommy. I love you so much!
I wish more than anything that my own Daddy was still here to see his grandchildren. I know he would have been an amazing Grandpa! I love and miss you, Dad! <3