6.2 miles for tobey.

so this weekend sucked.
no other way to describe it.
i was so looking forward to it... the family b-day dinner on friday night, the 10k saturday morning, my best friend coming to town...
but turns out it was the worst weekend ever.
at least, i sure hope to God it's the worst weekend i have for a very, very long time.

on friday morning tobey went to doggy heaven.


and i have no words to describe the hurt that my heart feels.
i loved that little dog to pieces.
and while i will always have dogs for the rest of my life, i'm sure, and i love kosmo and lola so much, no one can ever replace my tobey.
we grew up together.
he was born next door when i was 11 years old.
that means i've had him for over half of my whole life.
i was there when he was born and for some reason he was my favorite puppy out of the whole litter since the second he popped out.
i begged and begged my mom to let me have him and she was adamant that we were not getting a dog.
but she finally gave in... and he gave us almost 13 amazing years.
he was there for me through so much... my parents getting divorced, my mom getting re-married, my dad passing away, high school break-ups, awkward teenage years, and even when i left for college i always knew he was there waiting for me when i came home.

i love the way he always greeted us when we came through the door (sometimes annoyingly so)... whether we'd been gone all day or if we had just walked down to the mailbox.
i love the way he had to be hand-fed morsel by morsel... spoiled dog.
i love the way he snored.
i love how he barked at and chased squirrels.
i love how he barked in sync with the sirens of emergency vehicles. it was hilarious.
i love how he would paw at you when he wanted to be petted and if you stopped, he would paw at you some more.
i love the way his beard scrunched up after he'd been laying down.
i love that he let me dress him in baby clothes when he was a puppy.
i love how excited he got when we would ask him if he wanted to go for a walk or a drive.
i love how he'd run errands with me and when i took him to the bank they always gave him a milkbone, and if we went to the ice cream shop they'd give him a little cup of vanilla with a treat. and yes, i would share my ice cream with him.
i love the conversations we'd have with each other.... arrroooooooo!
i love that i could tell him anything i always knew my secrets were safe with him.
i love how he loved the elderly neighbor (mr. coons) who let him out every day.
i love how he would bark/cry at the door if the coons' dog gracie was outside. i think he had a crush on her.
i love how my mom would call sometimes and the voicemail left on my phone was simply tobey barking.
i love how his favorite treats were pupperoni sticks and beggin-strips.. but not the cheese flavor.
i love how he loved having his feet rubbed.
i love how he would snuggle up with me on the couch and take afternoon naps.
i loved every little bit of that dog and i will miss him like crazy.

i know it will get better with time.. but i just want to skip all the time and go to the part where it gets better because this SUCKS.
i tried to prepare myself for this day.. he was getting old, i knew it was coming, but at the same time it's tobey... i always thought he'd live forever.
i keep telling myself it could be worse... i've gotten through losing my dad, surely i can get through losing my dog.... but while all of that may be true, it doesn't make the hurt any less real. it doesn't make it any easier. it still really, really sucks. i have cried more in the past 2 days than i even knew i could. i can't believe i will never see him again. i just can't believe it.

mom and i still did the 10k saturday morning... 6.2 miles for tobey.

it was mom's first 10k ever and she did awesome.
obvs we weren't going for time considering she didn't really train and i'm still injured.
we had a 1 mile (at least) warm-up walk to the start line, then we'd jog/walk whenever we felt like it.
we had no system or plan we just did whatever the heck we felt like.
we talked. we laughed. we nearly cried. we made it a game and picked out one person who we said would NOT beat us.
and they didn't.
we finished the race and we finished it strong... for tobey.

so proud of mom for sprinting to the finish!

proud of my B for PRing with a 43:25 and he wasn't even trying.. yay josh!

we had fun but we are feeling it today... unfortunately my IT band is really hurting today, which stinks considering i didn't even run a significant distance at once.. i guess it could be from doing a longer distance again, even if it was mostly walking? oh well. and mom's foot is hurting and B is having IT-ish pains as well.. ughh. injuries go away!

my poor little momma was pooped after the 10k... here she is on the way home:


we stopped for our traditional post-race starbucks and called it a day.
new starbucks logo?

phew...this weekend has been emotionally draining.

thankful to have wonderful family & friends who have been so supportive during this time.

i love you tobey... i can't wait to see you again one day. dad will keep you good company up there. make him take you for good, long walks and give him a kiss for me.